These are happy days - Nala's life at 6 months

You're six months old now and really loving life. These are happy days. Days I treasure and will look back on and smile. I wish you could remember them, so you could hold these happy memories too. Instead they are my precious memories, but hopefully this piece will help you imagine them.

We are living in Hillcrest, South Africa. We came here when you were 11 weeks old so your Gogo and African family could know you. We spent two months living in Gogo's house. When you were nearly five months we moved to a small cottage on the property of our good friends. They have two children (and a third on the way) who adore you. They come and play with you nearly every day. Your summer has been spent having dinner in the backyard with them and swimming in the kiddies pool during the day.

You are sitting very nicely, rolling very intentionally and so so close to crawling. You push up on your hands and feet and I know one day soon you will launch off.

You love drinking milk and feed often. You also normally have two meals a day – one of veggies and one of fruit and you will start having diary soon.

You are very stubborn and you know exactly what you want. About a month ago you decided you wouldn’t sleep in your own bed, that you would only sleep with us. About a week ago your decided you wouldn’t let us feed you anymore and that you would only feed yourself. You are very good at putting food in your mouth, chewing and eating it all by yourself. It can be a bit messy though, so you normally just wear your nappy and sit up in your high chair. But you especially want to eat whatever is on our plates and you reach out to grab it with such determination that we can’t stop you.

Your daddy and I share parenting. We both try to spend as much time with you as we can. You are very lucky. Sometimes you stay at home with both of us, sometimes with daddy only, sometimes with me. Sometimes, when we are both working or busy, your aunty Nompilo comes and looks after you.

Once a week, you and I do a Mums and Babes class together. We do two hours of games and songs. You have lots of fun. Last time we went you went for a drive in your own car! At the end of class you normally fall asleep and I have a cup of tea with the other mums. We also do a yoga class together once a week. You are very good at yoga, you like to copy all the poses.

On Sundays we all go to Grace, Love, Truth Church in Kloof. You have lots of friends at church, especially Abby and Sandile’s kids – Naomi and Grace. Your daddy is the Worship Pastor at church – he leads all the music. You know all the songs, because he practices the piano while holding you close in the carrier. You find this very soothing and normally snuggle in and go to sleep.

You have a wonderful temperament. You are always smiling and friends with everyone. You seem to really love life and you don’t want to miss a thing. You are sometimes too excited by life to sleep. You are very active and rarely sit still anymore. Everyone knows that you are full of Joy, just like your name. So many people say you are the most beautiful girl they’ve seen.

You were born in Australia and we think you will grow up in Australia. We decided to take a break from life in Australia so you can have a time in South Africa. I am working part time running an events and communications business and for Engineers Without Borders in Australia. Your dad is nearly finished writing his second book and is always busy organising the music for church.

We've already been on many adventures with you. When you were six weeks old we went on a family road trip to Canberra. You've been to four weddings. And when you were two weeks old you went to your great grandma's funeral. When you were eight weeks old we packed up our rental unit in Surrey Hills. We were very busy packing, moving and cleaning. You were so well behaved, you just chilled out on your play mat from Great Aunty Robyn and watched us all fuss around you. You’ve come a long way since then, but you still like your play mat. We often take it outside and play in the garden.

You are very social. Everyone plays with you. When we go to a café someone always holds you while we eat.

A lot has happened in your short little life time, since we became a family of three. The three of us have lots of time together and those times are full of your giggles and smiles. I wish you could remember this time, because these are happy days.

Six months old and growing so fast. You are the light of our lives.

Love mummy

Six months in – what does being a mum look like for me?

How do you sum up six months of the biggest adventure of your life? Over and over I’ve started this piece, trying to sum up the sunshine and the rain of being a mum for the last six months. But it’s too much to summarise. So I’ll just start with where I’m at right now.

Right now, what does being a mum look like for me?

I don’t know how much I’ll sleep tonight

And I don’t get to choose what time I go to bed or wake up. I’m the only one who can do the ‘night shift’ so I constantly get less sleep than I need and nightly spending more time than I’d like putting my daughter to bed. But, while Nala’s sleep has deteriorated and she can wake up 3-4 times in the night, I’m grateful that she’s easy to settle and she falls back asleep, next to us, straight after a feed. And I’m amazed that most of the time I’m not feeling tired during the days.

Every time I think ‘I’ve got this’, something changes

There was a period of time between 6 weeks-4 months when not much changed. I thought I had it all together. Feeding was going well, my daughter was sleeping through the night and she was immobile so I knew she was safe wherever I put her down. 

But as soon as I think I have something figured it out it changes. She started on solids with enthusiasm two months ago. Then last week she refused to eat from a spoon. At first I thought she must not be hungry, or in the mood, so I kept offering solids but didn’t worry that she wasn't eating most of her meals. Then I worried I was starving her. Now she’s only eating finger food. And she is so good at feeding herself. She’s also rolling and moving and so close to crawling. I’ve been looking around our tiled house at all the hazards and wondering how to keep her safe. I need a few ideas, which brings me to my next point.

Too much advice is better than no advice.

I’ve been trying to work out what type of mother I am and feeling confused about a lot of things – what to feed her and when, how to set up the house so it’s safe for a crawler, whether or not to start a routine. My facebook feed is full of blogs by mummies who are sick of so much unwanted advice. But in my case I think too much advice might be better than no advice. When my daughter was 11 weeks old I moved countries and left behind my mother’s group, my maternal and child health nurse and my own mum. From then on I just started making everything up. I found myself relying only on my instincts and google. But google will tell you anything you want it to…

Most days I feel unproductive. And that frustrates me.

As a busy person I start each day with a mental list of things to do. When I’m the one caring for Nala very few of them get done.  And, while I know that being present for my daughter is more important than my to do list, I find this constantly challenging. I keep reminding myself that productivity looks different now. And that’s ok. As she’s grown older I’ve found I am able to get less done, which is the opposite to what I expected before I became a mum. But I didn’t know anything then.

I recently read a blog by a mother with the same frustration – constantly doing housework, nappies etc and needing to do them all again and hour later. She suggested each day to do one thing that doesn’t have to be redone. Writing this blog is a good example of that. Except it’s taken me nearly two weeks….

If I leave my daughter for more than three hours I need to pump milk

One thing that makes me feel productive is working. Sometimes my husband brings my daughter to my office for a lunch time feed and cuddle. And when she can’t come I lock the office door and close the curtains and pump milk. As a breastfeeding mum, I am always on a time limit. Everywhere I go I rush to do what I need to do and get home. And if it takes me longer than 3 hours I have to take my pump. Having battled with mastitis, blocked ducts and an oversupply I am very conscious of keeping my rhythm going and not going too long between feeds. I do freelance work and I’m not always in an office, so I’ve found myself pumping in public bathrooms or the car. It’s not ideal, and I don’t enjoy doing it. But it gives me the freedom to be a working mum and it means my daughter has milk. It’s not glamerous, but this is what being a mum looks like.  

The magic hasn’t changed, but sometimes I need to escape from it

Actually often I need to escape from it. Almost every day. I need to find time for myself. I still need to do the things I enjoyed before I became a mum because they rejuvenate me. Right now, that means sitting at a café and writing this blog. Other times it means going for a run with my husband. How things change in six months! I still remember the first time I left Nala, a few weeks after she was born, while I popped to the shops without her. I felt like I had left my arm behind. Now I crave the time away. Because I am still a person separate from her.

The sunshine

But mostly being a mum looks like a collection of small moments that really light up my life – The “Hello” song we’ve started singing every morning as a family. The giggles, that go on and on and on at the smallest thing, like a game of peek-a-boo. The contentment of her peacefully sleeping. The pride of seeing how good she is at feeding herself watermelon. The time I spend combing her hair while she plays with her ducky in the bath. The days filled with gummy smiles.

These small moments are what it is really looks like to be a mum. They may be small moments, but really they paint a big picture. A big picture of milk and toys and tired eyes.